The Fast and the Furious

Okay, this afternoon I had one of my most enjoyable experiences since arriving in Mexico, and it was in the most unexpected of places. I was downtown with my friends Carlos and Gerardo (who are brothers) and we hopped on the R-55 express bus to the mall. The fare is 6 pesos (about 60 cents) and all I had was a 20, so I paid the driver, and sat down in the seat behind him to wait for my change, which he did not have at the moment. There are many different types of buses in Monterrey, and this one happened to be of the WWII variety. Seriously, it was like a big old tank, and made just about as much noise. The bus drivers (and cabbies) here decorate their rides with all types of crucifixes, prayer beads, images of Mary, and logos of their favorite soccer teams. This guy was no different, with a sticker of his mascot (Los Tigres) peeing on the logo of the cross-town rival (Los Reyados) right next to a sticker of the Virgin of Guadalupe. Anyway, this guy took of in that bus like it was the beginning of the Indy 500. We were weaving in and out of traffic like the bus was a motorcycle, and there were several occasions where I was sure we were going to hit something. The guy seemed to enjoy getting as close as he possibly could to the car in front of him before slamming on the brakes, or more frequently, accelerating into another lane while cutting off a taxi or two. At first I thought we were in a little danger, but then I started to get the feeling I was dealing with a real pro. This guy was a mix between a NYC cabbie and Jeff Gordon. The more he cut people off and slammed on the brakes, the more I began to enjoy myself. At one point, I began to realize that this bus driver seemed to know a lot of the other bus drivers on the road, and even some of the cabbies. The whole time I was riding, he never used his horn. Instead, his arm was constantly out the window, giving signals, waving, and saying thank you. (The Mexican signal for "Thank You" is the arm swung forward in an upward motion with the hand lifted up. If you did this in the states, people would think you were seriously insulting them.) I was thinking this guy was a master of communication and using his mirrors, and then I realized that one of his mirrors was cracked. Anyway, during the course of our trip, many people who were waiting at various bus stops tried to flag us down for a ride. If the light was red, the driver would stop, but if not, he just flew right by. He went completely balls to the wall for about the first 10 minutes, and you would have thought we were in the movie "Speed." One poor guy was standing out in the middle of the street at one bus stop trying to flag us down, and he about got run over. The one exception to the rule was when he came to a screeching halt at one bus stop, and tried to coax an attractive Mexican woman onto the bus. It was hilarious. This guy doesn't stop for a guy standing in the middle of the road, but he cuts across three lanes of traffic to offer a ride to a good-looking lady. Towards the end of our ride came the highlight for me. We came upon a bunch of traffic stopped ahead of us, and a motorcyle in the next lane started to come over in front of us. We, of course, were flying, and I thought we were going to pancake the guy, until at the last second when our driver slammed on the brakes and motioned the motorcycle over. There was a man driving the bike, with a kid on the back. As the bike merged, the kid turned around and waved at the driver. The driver started waving wildly and I thought he was just having fun with the kid until the motorcycle and the bus pulled over to the side of the road. The drivers chatted for a while, and then the guy on the bike tossed a pack of cigarettes and a lighter up to the bus driver. The driver took out a cigarette, lighted it, and then tossed the package back. After they said goodbye, the bus driver cut off three lanes of traffic to clear the way for his friend on the motorcycle to get over. I still don't know if it was a random run-in or if the bus driver had been driving so crazy because he was supposed to meet up with his buddy on the bike. One way or the other, after he got his smoke he was right back at it again. We continued to fly through traffic, and as we neared our stop I thought about not even asking the guy for my change, he had provided me with so much entertainment. I couldn't believe half the bus had been sleeping through all of this (it was siesta time). Well, I did get my change. Then I told the driver that he was the best (in Spanish, of course) and then I jumped off as quick as I could so I didn't get run over. I doubt I will ever see this guy again, but I know that the next time I need to take the R-55 express, I will definitely be looking for him.